Rants and raves...then some more ranting

Vox Hunt: Oh Baby!

Show us a picture of you when you were a baby.
Submitted by yuki.

Spawn of the Devil

....Ok, so this isn't exactly me.....but pretty darn close. ;-)

The day my heart offically broke..........

 

Heartless girl

Tomorrow is the day of all days that I dread. It's my own personal Groundhog's Day of Hell. I know, yet another whiney, sad post. I promise this will be the last...at least for a while. *hopeful thinking*

It's been over a decade since, but it feels like yesterday that I was in the hospital watching my beloved father close his eyes for the last time and depart from mortality....and from me. It plays in my head like a torturus movie with a broken reel. For 4 agonizing weeks, I watched him wither away to someone so frail yet so consumed with love for his only child. To watch your father cry is heart-wrenching. He cries because he doesn't want to leave me and I cry because I don't want to lose my angel here on earth, in my living Hell.

Every precious memory I have of my childhood revolves around my father. He taught me how to love whole heartedly, live freely, and to laugh from within.

He was there to pick up my tears and turn them into laughter. He filled my heart with unconditional love and made my soul glow.

I remember being in his arms, feeling so safe from the world around me, his soft voice to comfort my worries, always letting me win at chess, for he hated to see me sad, teaching me to ride my bike, and was there to pick me up when I fell. I remember waiting for him when he worked nights and running into his arms. I remember standing on top his feet when we danced....and most of all, I remember the love he over-filled my heart with.  

Everything that is good about me, is because of him. He gave me my calm nature, my sense of humor, my artistic abilities, my love of animals, and patience.

I know that my life today would be dramatically different if he were still alive. I was 19 and in college. That same year was the worst year of my life...and it continued since.

It's hard to understand until you've lost that one person in your life who loved you like no other, and made a significant impact on your life.

Today, all I have left are the wonderful and very painful memories of a father who I was blessed with, shape and mold me to who I am today. At least the good parts anyway. :)

I don't know when I'll get to the point in my life where I don't greive heavily each year on Valentine's Day. Maybe I never will.

Heartbreak

  

Vox Hunt: I Don't Get It

Show us something you don't understand.

Love.

Love is....

RoMANce.....or lack thereof......

 

Heartbreak

I've never been one of those emotionally, high maintenance kinda girls. I'm rather secure with myself and comfortable in my own skin. BUT....I just wish that just for ONE day, I could be someone's princess. It doesn't happen on my birthday....or any other "supposed" day to celebrate "you." And I have to tell you, it hurts...and it sucks.

I'm so terribly nervous about Valentine's day. It's creeping up so fast that I can't catch my breath. It's the one day of the year that saddens me the most. It's the day where I need someone to pull me back to together when I fall to pieces....or to have someone keep me from falling to pieces.

It's the one day of the year where I'm overly emotionally and wish to have someone there to catch my tears and to hold me as if I would slip away from this earth if he let go.

And I'm so scared that it will be another disasater...and I can't face that again. I'm already deeply in mourning of the man who gave me the world and the universe to keep me from ever feeling sadness....and now with him gone, all I feel is sadness.

Mourning Angel

Last year, was the worst, other than when my father passed away on this dreaded day. Ryan fought with me so bad, that I ran out of the house and to the gym to burn off my anger, my frustration, and my sadness.

All I could wish for is for a little romance, a little thought, a little something to ease my pain. Something to take my mind off the worst day of my life. To feel special, for one day. Not an afterthought.

I don't know why....maybe it's the fear of disappointment or reliving my father's death....but I can't stop crying right now. Have you ever had expectations, no matter how small they are? And when they're not met, it's heartbreaking. And I'm so scared to have my fragile heart break...yet again.

My overflowing ocean of tears..............

I'm awake, it's late at nite/early morning.....been crying for the last hour....mourning the anniversary of my dad's passing. Valentine's Day. Even after all these years, the pain is still sharp and ever present. I can't erase the painful memories of watching him suffer until his death nor can I stop the wonderful memories of when he was alive. He truly was my savior, my angel, and the love that held my heart together.

My eyes burn as it feels like I'm shedding tears of acid that leave a permanent trail of sadness down my fragile face.

I would end this life of misery if I knew that I would be with him again....but I don't think I'll be going to the same place that he's at. I think I'll be heading somewhere a bit warmer.....

I'm drowning tonite's sorrow with opera (I find it to be incredibly comforting) an extra happy pill, and a hot shower.

Good nite.

I'm free......free at last!!!!

Tux

Today's my last day at the Evil Empire...also known as Microsoft. YIPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

I can feel my shackles slowly starting to loosen up.....sweet!!!

Forgive me Tux!!!!

Linux-tux-born-2-frag-XP

 

The House that Porn Built....................

Ok.....we are financing a porn. Yes, good old fashion smut! It's just not just basement, trailer trash porn...it even has Jenna Hays in it. Say what you will....the return on investment...is pretty, pretty. GOOD. It's all legit and all...done all the researching.....yadda, yadda.

And yes, we'll be having a launch party when it "comes" out in late March.

Porn!

 

PORN churchsign

Ha...I KNEW it!! An article that says men aren't as smart as they think they are....finally proven!!

Here's the article according to Newsweek that says men aren't smarter than women ...score. Of course...I knew that....*wink*

He's Not as Smart as He Thinks

A British researcher reports that the male ego is often larger than his actual IQ. But you might be surprised by what women think of men's intellect.

Vox Hunt: I'm A Loyal Customer

Show us a brand to which you're loyal.

Ok....so there are lots...but here's just a few......

 

Lancome

The only product I use for my skincare & makeup

 

Bebe

Have waaaay to many clothes from Bebe.

 

 

 

 

 

Under Armour

The only workout clothes I wear....something about absorbing the sweat that had me sold.

 

Nike logo

The only shoes I workout in....why? Dunno.

 

 

 

 

 

Royal Canine- German Shepherd

For my pups.....I think they are better fed and I am. :)

QotD: Burning Question

If you could ask any question in the world and get a true answer, who and what would you ask? 
Submitted by jaypo.

Being Agnostic, not sure who or what I would ask. I guess if I saw a burning bush in my neighborhood, I might feel inclined to pull up a chair and see if it gives me the answer I'm looking for.

Being said, the one question I have in life is.....Why did my dad have to pass on so early in my life and why on Valentine's day?? Is this some sick joke??? Why couldn't "they" have taken my mother instead, or at least given me a few more years with him?? Ok....so it's more than just one question...but it all ties in.

After he died, is when I gave up on religion. Whatever greater power out there took the only ONE person I had in this entire world who loved me unconditionally and didn't judge me. Poof...gone!! After that, my world turned upside down and took a turn for the complete worst.

My take on religion is that it gives people something to believe in, to seek forgiveness, and to provide hope. I perfer to remain empty inside than fill my soul with false beliefs.

And oh yeah....Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Yippee.